There’s nothing better than being a wife. I remember when I first got married how happy I was to be someone’s wife and officially be a “Mrs.”. Then I had my daughter and I am a million times prouder to be a mother. Just the smile on my baby’s face is enough to make me want to get out of bed every morning. But sometimes it’s easy to let your role as “mom” bury your wife role.
But the great thing is, you don’t have to settle for being a wife OR a mom. You can actually be a great wife AND an amazing mom without letting one or the other role suffer! Your marriage after baby can be just as healthy and thriving as it was before your little one came around!
The secret to having a healthy, thriving, lasting, amazing marriage is to create habits in your life that allow you to be able to give your all to both of your roles as mom and wife. It’s important to understand that you are a wife/mother- one in the same- and to know that your ability to be a great wife will give you the ability to be a great mom. You have to think of your mom life as an extension of your wife life.
Don’t know exactly how to do this?? That’s okay!
Because I’m going to give you all of the tips you need to be able to have a happy, healthy marriage and still be an amazing mom and have the best relationship with your children. Your marriage after baby is fragile and needs just as much support as anything else in your life!
Tips for a Healthy, Thriving Marriage after Baby
Show each other respect
One of the number one things you have to do to have a happy marriage after baby is to show each other respect. Mutual respect is a key ingredient to a blissful marriage. You need to respect your spouse enough to trust that they know what they are doing and listen to what they have to say.
Parenting is all about making decisions and doing what is best for your child. In order to be on the same page as parents, you want to make sure your marriage is on the same page. And a really good way to do that is to be really open about how much you respect each other.
Know your limits and boundaries
A lot of the time we get so caught up in being a parent and the demanding responsibilities that come along with being a parent that we can push ourselves way past our emotional and physical limits. And when we’re tired, overwhelmed, and exhausted it rolls over into our marriage.
It’s so important to know your limit and try to stay within that limit. If you feel yourself really pushing that limit, then take a step back and focus on your self-care. It’s also the same in your marriage. You have to be able to talk with your spouse about your limits and how you’re feeling on a daily basis.
For example, if your husband really likes for you to give him undivided attention when he is talking to you or telling you a story about his day but you are so exhausted from your day that you’re just laying down blanking out, then he’s going to get upset because he’s expecting you to listen to him.
But because you’re pushed to your exhaustion limit, it affected the time that you and your husband have together. But if you know your limits, you can turn to your husband and say “you know what, I’m feeling tired and would love to hear your story when I can give you my full attention”. This will tell your husband that you’re tired but that you still want to listen to him when you’re feeling up to it.
Express your expectations from each other
In line with the last tip, a healthy marriage after baby is all about knowing each other’s expectations.
In the example above, your husband expected you to listen to his story because that’s what he expressed to you that he would like you to do. Now, if your husband never expressed to you that he would like your full attention when he’s telling you about his day to sharing something with you then when you’re not paying attention to him he gets angry and you have no idea why. SO many arguments can be avoided just by having a simple conversation of expectations.
If you want to read more about how to effectively share your expectations with each other, check out my post “The Number One Conversation to Have After Having a Baby”.
Allot time to spend together
Another really important tip to having a happy marriage after baby is to plan time to spend together. The business of parenthood is so crazy that it can be hard to actually spend time with your spouse. By the time that your baby is fed, cleaned, changed, and sleeping you’re just as exhausted as they are!
But the remedy to this little problem is to physically plan time to be together. You want to be as intentional as possible about spending time with each other. Whether that means you plan a consistent date day or every night before you go to bed for 15 minutes you unplug from your phone or work or cleaning and just sit and talk or do something together.
The thing about separation is that it happens slowly and often goes unnoticed. If you don’t make intentional choices to spend time with each other then a year from now you’re gonna look over at your spouse and feel like you don’t even know him.
Keep each other in the loop
This tip is super practical- it’s simply to keep your spouse in the loop of what’s going on. Make sure your spouse knows what your day looks like and your plans. There’s nothing worse than your husband calling you at the house and him thinking that he can get in contact with you and you’re actually in the car driving to a doctor’s appointment that he had no idea existed. Or if you go to call your spouse’s office and you find out he is at a super important 3-hour long meeting and you were thinking that he was gonna be home for dinner.
It sounds crazy but it’s reality! It’s so easy to forget to fill each other in on the details of the week. That’s why I’m a strong believer in a weekly family planner/calendar! It has all of your plans and appointments all in one place.
I have a ton of FREE planners in my resource library! There are weekly calendars, monthly calendars, meal planning calendars and so much more! Feel free to download all of them! To access my resource library, sign up to become a Mastering Mom Life Insider for free below!
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Words of affirmation go a long way
Another super simple tip to have a happy, healthy marriage after baby is to use your words to affirm each other. Saying “thank you” and “I appreciate you” is so powerful. Get in the habit of thanking each other and really showing each other appreciation. When you feel appreciated you are able to accomplish your role as a parent so much better!
The fact of the matter is- all couples argue. The question is, do you argue healthily? A lot of people think that couples in healthy marriages don’t argue. That’s simply not true. The key to a healthy marriage is to argue in a healthy way. Everyone has disagreements, but it’s how you choose to handle that disagreement that matters.
Your arguments should be with a purpose and have an end goal. Either a decision that has to be made or something that someone has to apologize for. The key to arguing in a healthy way is to make sure that you are not arguing to hurt your spouse or using words that sting, but communicating in a way that your spouse will understand. Sometimes words can get loud and opinions can hurt your spouse’s feelings. Especially when you say something that triggers them.
But it’s so important to talk in LOVE. Argue in LOVE. It sounds like an oxymoron but when love is the center and the root of your conversation then you’ll start to see that those arguments don’t blow up as much as they could.
Be quick to forgive
When we mess up, which we often do, the one thing we want is to be forgiven easily. Just as much as want to be forgiven is as much as we should be quick to forgive. I know it’s hard to let things go that hurt you, but when you know that your spouse’s intentions are towards you are good and that you love each other, you need to let that fuel you and not the hurt or pain that you feel.
Being quick to forgive and slow to anger is a secret ingredient for a happy marriage after baby!
Trust each other
Along with respecting each other, trusting each other is another super important tip for having a happy marriage after baby. Trusting that your spouse knows what to do, or how to handle a situation, or how to take care of your baby is something that you need to have. Some mothers don’t trust that their husband knows how to feed or care for their baby. If that’s the case, then teach him!
Trust can take a while to be built but it’s important to do just that- build it!
Be open and honest
The last and most important tip, in my opinion, is to be open and honest 100% of the time. You want to be able to tell our spouse when you’re tired, when you reached your limit, what you expect of them, when you’re in pain, when they hurt your feelings, and when you feel like they need to change. And when your spouse is open and honest with you, you need to listen and respond in a way that shows that you hear them and you care.
Don’t underestimate the power of honesty! It may be hard, but it’s SO worth it!
Take a marriage challenge!
One of the best things you can do to have a healthy, happy, blissful marriage after baby is to take a Marriage Challenge! A marriage challenge can put some much-needed focus on your relationship after becoming a parent and it allows you to do something together that you would normally be too busy to do!
I created a FREE 5 day Marriage Revival Challenge to help husbands and wives reconnect after having a baby! I created this challenge after I had my daughter so my husband and I could focus on our marriage. It’s easy to let your “mom and dad” roles bury your “husband and wife” role and my marriage was suffering because of it.
Don’t let your marriage suffer after having a baby. Having a strong marriage will help you be better parents and create a strong family!
Take the FREE Marriage Revival Challenge Now to Have a Healthy, Happy Marriage after kids!
Well, there you have it! Here are 11 realistic and practical everyday tips to help you have an amazing marriage after baby. These tips will help you have a healthy, thriving, lasting, amazing marriage by creating habits in your life that allow you to be able to give your all to both of your roles as mom and wife.
There are a million and one things that can tear a marriage apart, but don’t let the fact that you now have a baby be one of them. Use your marriage as a tool to build a strong family filled with love, trust, and respect. Take time to work and focus on your marriage and don’t neglect your role as a spouse just because you are a parent now!
It’s not easy, but man is it worth it!
Don’t forget to take the Marriage Revival Challenge to help you build a strong marriage after baby!