Marriage Life

How to have a Strong Marriage after kids: 7 easy ways

Inside: Want to the secret to having a strong marriage after kids? Find out the 7 rules for strengthening your marriage after you become parents.

One of the hardest hurdles your marriage will endure is the change from husband and wife to mom and dad.

It’s a fantastic shift, but also a really hard one. It’s important to know that staying madly in love with your spouse after kids is totally possible!

The secret to mastering a strong marriage after kids is to let your new role as mom and dad ENHANCE your marriage, not destroy it. Being mom and dad should be an addition to your role as husband and wife. Your parental status does not replace role as husband and wife.

The good news is that there is a way to stay madly in love with your spouse AND still be a pretty awesome parent. You don’t have to choose one or the other!

Let’s dive into these 5 rules to have a strong marriage after baby!

How to have a strong marriage after kids

Many parents assume now that they are parents that their role and responsibility as husband and wife is void. No no no. I believe that the hardest struggle your marriage will go through is the transition from being responsible for just your spouse to now being responsible for a baby too. The balancing act begins!

1. Be on the same team

Do not let your baby come between you. I repeat—DO NOT let your baby come between you. This doesn’t mean that you don’t love your child more than anything in the world. It just means that your baby is not the ball in a football game that you 2 are fighting over.

Choosing to work TOGETHER as opposed to against each other will keep you on the same page and in sync. This has A LOT to do with keeping your marriage strong after kids.

2. Be honest

As a parent, there are times you will be stretched so thin that your marriage will begin to be affected.

There will be times you will be so tired that you don’t even want to talk or explain yourself.

There will be times you will be so overwhelmed, all you want to do is lay down and close your eyes.

It’s inevitable!

But it’s so important to remember to be open and honest with each other. Tell your spouse how you are feeling. Tell them what you need and what you don’t need. Your spouse may not be able to fix it, but they can lend a listening ear. And when your souse is being honest with you, listen to him/her. Don’t try to fix it- just listen and be a support.

Truly being honest with your spouse will prevent those huge arguments when you feel like your pushed so far past your limit. Don’t let yourself get to your limit. Clue your spouse in on what you feel, what you need, what you are thinking, and go through it together.

3. Show affection & be intimate

Hug. Kiss. Cuddle. Hold Hands.

I know one of the most popular pieces of marriage advice is to make sure to be intimate with your spouse. But it’s popular for a reason because it’s important!

I don’t want to beat a dead horse because I’m sure you know that what you do in the bedroom often has a big effect on your marriage. But don’t forget about the other ways that you can show your spouse affection every day, no matter where you are.

Physical touch can be so beneficial for any marriage, especially to keep your marriage strong after kids. You don’t have to go crazy with PDA (public displays of affection) but be sure to show your spouse some love.

Kiss each other every day hello and goodbye. Say I love you more often. Hold hands in the car. Take 5 minutes before going to bed and just cuddle and talk. These things really do add up and make your marriage strong!

4. Make time for each other

Being a parent, your responsibility doubles. Meaning, you have more to do, more to clean, more to plan, more places to be, and so on. It can be really easy to forget about your spouse in the constant parenthood juggle. But be sure to make time for each other.

Whether you have a few minutes each day to talk or you plan a weekly date night or after the kids are sleeping you dedicate time for each other.

It’s important not to forget about your spouse. I know it sounds stupid, but you’d be surprised at how easy it actually is. You get so caught up in your kids’ life that you forget about your spouse’s life.

When’s the last time you asked your spouse how their day was or what was their favorite part of their day? Or when’s the last time you watched a movie together or cooked dinner together and had fun?

Making time for each other is another way to show your spouse that you love them and acknowledge them.

5. Fight fair

I’m just going to say it- a couple in a strong marriage isn’t afraid to argue. Why? Because they fight fair. One of the main reasons couples hate to argue is because they are afraid that they will get hurt or say something hurtful. And more often than not, the argument isn’t even productive because nothing usually changes.

Tired of arguing and it goes nowhere? Learn to fight fair. Fighting fair in your marriage will make sure that no one “wins” and “loses” in an argument, but provide a way for both of you to communicate openly, honestly, and without judgment.

Want to learn how to fight fair? Find out the 5 rules for mastering the art fighting fair in your marriage here!

6. Trust each other

A great marriage is built on trust.

A strong marriage after kids is reinforced with trust.

Trust your spouse to be a good parent, trust your spouse to tell you the trust, trust your spouse to fulfill your needs, trust your spouse to be there for you.

As a parent, you will be tired and stretched thin. You will be pushed to limits you didn’t know were even possible. You will feel like giving up. But having a trustworthy spouse and someone by your side that you can close your eyes and know that they will lead the way for you is something that is priceless.

Build your marriage on trust. And actively work on it!

7. Respect each other

You and your spouse are going through a lot. Being a present parent and being a great spouse is hard to do. Because of this, you have to respect how they are feeling and what they say. This can be reeallllyyy hard. But your marriage will benefit in such a BIG way.

Don’t underestimate how your spouse is feeling or what they are saying. Be a support to him/her. Respect what your spouse says and what they do!

Want to add some fun to your marriage?

Sometimes we get caught up in the busyness of life and parenthood and mom life that we forget to tell our spouse how we feel about them, how much we love them, and why we love them.

Love and appreciation goes a LONNNGGGG way in marriage and simply saying “Thank You” can be the best gift you can give your spouse. Tell your spouse how much you love them with my free, fun “Why I Love You” & Love Coupon Booklet!

It’s super easy to make and is a 100% free instant download!

Download the FREE Love Coupons Now!

Remember, you and your spouse are going through the same transition but in a different way. You are on the same team and are growing your family together.

The secret to having a strong marriage after kids is to let your new role as mom and dad ENHANCE your marriage, not destroy it.

Know that you and your spouse are on the same team
Be willing to be open and honest with each other
Show affection and don’t withhold intimacy
Make time to be together and connect
Practice fighting fair
Build your marriage on trust
Respect each other always

Follow these 7 “rules” for a strong marriage after kids and watch how prosperous your marriage can be. Don’t let your marriage fall to the hurdle of parenthood!

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How to Fight Fair in Your Marriage & Avoid Blowups

Marriage Life

Inside: Do you want to learn how to fight fair so you can better your marriage?? Read on for the 5 golden rules on fighting fair with your spouse!

I was washing dishes and his sarcastic remark crawled under my skin. It took me 2.5 seconds to go from calm to Hulk. And it resulted in the biggest argument of our marriage…

Fighting and arguing in your marriage is normal, in fact, sometimes it’s even healthy. But the key to keeping your marriage healthy is to fight fair.

Learning to fight fair in your marriage will not only better your marriage, but will also bring you and your spouse closer in a new way.

These 5 rules for fighting fair in your marriage will make sure that no one “wins” and “loses” in an argument, but provide a way for both of you to communicate openly, honestly, and without judgment.

Fighting fair in your marriage leads to improved communication and better intimacy. Which is ultimately a win -win- win!

Let’s jump into those 5 golden rules!

5 Rules to fight fair in your marriage

1. You are not Godzilla

Fight to improve, not destroy.

The number one rule to fighting fair in your marriage is to fight to actually IMPROVE your relationship. If your argument to hurt your spouse? Or to improve an aspect of your marriage?

A lot of arguments are not “planned”. Most arguments in your marriage happen…well because they just happen.

It’s so important to come to an agreement with your spouse that each of your arguments, whether planned or not, is to IMPROVE your marriage. Not to destroy it.

This means that no matter what you are arguing about, the common purpose is to not only just “get through it” but to enhance your marriage.

One of the most common arguments my husband and I have is about paying him more attention. I tend to get so caught up in my day and the things I need to do that I really don’t give him enough of my time when he comes home.

This causes tension between us. And when the tension rises, anything can make either one of us blow up. So, we’re really not arguing about why the trash is not out, we’re arguing out of the emotions that we feel that are stored up.

Instead of me yelling at him for why he has an attitude when I asked him to take out the garbage and he gave me attitude…I need to shift the argument to something that has a positive outcome. Such as, “why are you so frustrated right now? Did something happen?”

I’m fighting to improve our well beings, not destroy his character.

Don’t be the Godzilla of your marriage.

2. Be Careful of landmines

Avoid each other’s triggers!

One of the best ways to fight fair in your marriage is to avoid the triggers in your spouse.

You know, the things that trigger them to blow up. I feel like arguing in a marriage is like battling in a minefield. One step on the wrong spot and there it goes.

Both you and your spouse have triggers. The things that we hear that make us angry, sad, and hurt. There are situations in our life that are triggers.

There are trigger words.

Trigger actions.

Trigger anything!

It is YOUR job to find out your spouse’s triggers. And AVOID them. Especially in an argument.

And if you know those triggers, do not use them against your spouse. I know it sounds crazy, but when we are angry and in a heated argument, sometimes we want to hurt our spouses because we are acting out of the way “they are making us feel”.

Sometimes we purposefully press those trigger buttons because we know it is a sure way that will gain a reaction out of our spouse.

This is NOT fighting fair. Do not intentionally hurt your spouse because they hurt you (whether they intentionally or unintentionally hurt you).

Like we talked about in rule 1, we don’t want to fight to destroy, but to improve!

Join FREE Marriage Challenge to truly CONNECT with your spouse, date your spouse, take the steps to start living your marriage goals, and fall in LOVE all over again!

3. Aim

Fight with purpose, not aimless.

The third rule of fighting fair in your marriage is to ALWAYS fight with a purpose. Every single argument, whether it’s tiny or huge, should have a purpose.

And if you find yourself in the middle of the argument asking yourself, “what is the actual point of this fight?”, then stop, and ask your spouse. Each argument should have a purpose. An aim.

Because if you are aimlessly arguing and fighting all the time, what good is it doing any of you?

You want to come out of each fight with something you conquered. Whether it was you improved communication or you were more honest with each other, or you decided on a something that you were both arguing about. There has to be a PURPOSE to the argument.

This helps you fight fair because you are not just yelling and taking jabs at each other for no reasons. Having a common purpose in the fight gives you an even playing field to communicate and get your points across to each other.

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4. Be quick to listen, and slow to react

The fourth rule of fighting faith in marriage is to be quick to listen and slow to react.

It is human nature to want to defend ourselves and react quickly. But the key to fighting fair is to be quick to LISTEN. Not quick to react.

Being quick to listen to your spouse gives your spouse the opportunity to fully communicate. And if your spouse is doing the same for you, then it gives you the opportunity to communicate without interruption.

Most arguments in our marriages escalate quickly because we are not LISTENING to the other person. We are misunderstanding what they are saying and reacting based on our judgments.

This is not fighting fair.

Fight fair in your marriage is having the common rule: we will be quick to listen and slow to react.

5. Don’t underestimate silence

The last rule to fighting fair in your marriage isn’t really a rule, but a rule of thumb. Silence is not a bad thing in an argument. Silence does not always mean that your spouse is ignoring you or not listening to you.

A great rule of thumb to have in your marriage to be able to fight fair is to come to the agreement that silence is not to be underestimated or misjudged.

Sometimes when we are in an argument we need silence to collect ourselves and to process what was said and that is taking place.

If your spouse is silent, come to an agreement that each of you needs to express that you need a minute to take a step back. Sometimes, silence is good. Sometimes, silence is the key factor in your argument being a fair fight.

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No time or money for date nights? That’s okay!

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So there you have it! Here are the 5 rules for fighting fair in your marriage:

Fight to improve, not destroy.
Avoid triggers
Fight with a purpose, not aimless
Be quick to listen and slow to react
Don’t underestimate silence

Learning to fight fair in your marriage will not only better your marriage, but will also bring you and your spouse closer in a new way. After all, marriage is about enhancing your intimacy and being one.

Just after I turned into the Hulk from the sarcastic remark my husband made to me, we went into an all-out brawl. At the end of our argument, we just stared at each other.

My husband leaned in and hugged me. That day, we made the pact to fight fair.

I haven’t turned in to the Hulk since 🙂

Wait! Do you love free printables??

Become part of the Mastering Mom Life Insider tribe and get instant, FREE, private access to my resource library filled with printables + worksheets to make mom life easier!

Check out these other posts on marriage!

How to Celebrate Valentine’s Day as New Parents

Marriage Life

Inside: Find out how to make Valentine’s Day as new parents special and romantic yet cheap!

It’s not every day that you get to focus on your marriage…

Especially when you are constantly cleaning, cooking, making bottles, pumping, and running around after little humans!

You may be thinking Valentine’s Day isn’t even worth celebrating…

But your Valentine’s day as new parents doesn’t have to be dreary and forgotten. I’ll help you easily celebrate this day of love without spending tons of money & without any stress!

I absolutely love Valentine’s Day because I get to dedicate a whole day to celebrate the love I have for my husband. Which if you ask him, he’ll tell you how he always feels invisible since our daughter has been born.

But just because you’re a parent now doesn’t mean you forget that you’re still husband and wife!

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be an expensive night out or some elaborately planned event.

Instead, I’ll give some amazing tips and ideas to help you spend your valentine’s day as new parents focusing on your love for each other while still being devoted to your parental duties.

So, don’t worry about spending a ton of money on gifts and being worried about the fact that you can’t go out to that expensive restaurant you love. I’ll tell you all about how to make this Valentine’s Day special and romantic yet low-key and enjoyable!

FREE DIY PRINTABLE “WHY I LOVE YOU” & LOVE COUPON BOOKLET

Because you are new parents and probably don’t have the time (or money!) to fully dedicate everything you have to Valentine’s Day for your spouse, I created this really fun and romantic “Why I Love You & Love Coupon Booklet”!

Give your spouse something heartfelt and handmade and spend the night just enjoying each other’s company!

It’s super easy to make—all you have to do is print it, cut out the boxes, and fill out each box to let your spouse know how much you love them.

The best part of this printable booklet is that it’s fully customizable and can be as special as you want it to be! Trust me, your spouse is going to love it 🙂

Download the printable booklet now!

So let’s get down to it!

How to Celebrate Valentine’s Day as New Parents

Make time for each other

As a new parent, you typically don’t have a lot of spare time, let alone time to just spend with your spouse. And that’s totally normal!

Since you’re in this new season of parenthood, spending time with your spouse may seem like a rarity. But Valentine’s Day is a great way to show your spouse how much you love them by simply spending some quality time with each other.

After you put the baby to sleep, wash the bottles, fold the laundry, and clean the house- be sure to intentionally make time for your spouse. Even if that means you leave the dishes in the sink, leave the unfolded laundry in the basket, and sweep the house later.

Sometimes there is no greater gift than the gift of some quality time together. Especially when you haven’t been as close as you were since your new addition came into the picture.

Send each other special texts throughout the day

Another way to make Valentine’s Day as new parents special is to send each other cute texts throughout the day.

If you and your sweetie are apart for most of Valentine’s day, whether you’re both at work or one of you are home with the baby and the other is working- it’s super fun to let each other know that you guys are thinking of each other.

You may not be in each other’s physical company, but you can keep each other on your minds by sending fun, cute, and flirty texts to each other.

Send one every other hour or even every hour!

Cook or order out your favorite meal

As new parents, you may not be able to get a baby sitter and go out to your favorite restaurant. Especially if your little one is still an infant and you don’t feel comfortable leaving your baby to go for a night out.

Another great option is to make your favorite meal or your spouse’s favorite dish for dinner. Or you can make your favorite dessert!

It’s a way to say “I love you” without the pomp and frills.

You can also order take out of your favorite meal! That way, one person isn’t cooking and slaving away for the other person. You can both have a fun, relaxing, low key but romantic night without any dirty pots and pans — score 🙂

Give your spouse something they love

Valentine’s Day as new parents doesn’t have to be expensive.

You don’t have to buy expensive earrings or expensive gifts.

You don’t have to worry about racking your brain thinking about what your spouse will love.

Instead, go back to basics and think of things that you KNOW your spouse loves.

Maybe it’s a special item from the bakery that you can pick up, or maybe it’s something silly like a fun pair of novelty socks. And if you don’t have time to go out and actually buy a gift then you can just go online and order something.

Amazon is perfect for last-minute gifts because most things are delivered within 2 days!

Take a picture as a family

How can you have Valentine’s Day as new parents and not involve your actual baby? One of my favorite things to do on Valentines Day since becoming a parent is to take a family picture!

You can dress up or having matching clothes or just all wear red or Valentine’s color.

Another sweet thing to do is put red paint on your baby’s hand or foot and make an imprint of it on a piece of paper or a card. It’s a great way to remember each year on that special day of love.

Watch your favorite movie and snack out!

Everyone loves a date night in!

Your first Valentine’s Day as new parents doesn’t have to fancy but it can be exciting and fun. All you have to do is hop onto Netflix, Vudu or Amazon Prime Video and watch your favorite movie or tv show.

Parenthood is often super selfless and busy with everything being revolved around your baby so you don’t usually intentionally plan time to sit down and watch a movie together.

Now is the time to do it!

Plan a movie date night in and don’t forget to stock up on snacks and drinks.

If you’re looking for fun date night in ideas, download this free printable Date Night-In Idea Kit! It comes with ideas for date nights and includes a checklist of everything you need for each date night idea!

Click here to get the FREE DATE NIGHT IN KIT!

Make the “Why I Love You” & Love Coupon Booklet

I created this awesome and fun DIY gift to give to your sweetie to make them swoon!

Sometimes we get caught up in the business of life, parenthood and mom life that we forget to tell our spouse how we feel about them, how much we love them, and why we love them.

Love and appreciation can go a LONNNGGGG way in a marriage. Simply saying “Thank You” can be the best gift you can give your spouse.

Tell your spouse how much you love them with my free, fun “Why I Love You” & Love Coupon Booklet!

It’s super easy to make and is a 100% free instant download!

Simply print out the pages, fill out the boxes, cut them out, and tie/glue them together in booklet form. Or just cut them out and leave them in random areas for your loved one to find!

Download the “Why I Love You” & Love Coupon Booklet Now!

Well there you have it!

I hope I was able to give you some ideas to help you make your Valentine’s Day as parents special, fun, memorable, and romantic!

Remember, just because you are a parent now doesn’t mean that you forget that you are still husband and wife.

It’s not about how much money you spent or where you are eating that makes Valentine’s Day special- it’s about spending quality time together as a family and as husband and wife!

So leave the bottles in the sink, don’t worry about folding the clothes in the basket, and just focus on each other’s company.

After all, you were husband and wife before you were mom and dad!

Want more tips on how to focus on your marriage after becoming parents??

Take the FREE Marriage Revival Challenge to help you and your spouse fall back in love and focus on your marriage! Click here to enroll now!

5 Common Marriage After Baby Issues and Solutions

Marriage Life

Inside: Want to find out how to solve the everyday marriage issues after baby so you can have a strong, thriving marriage?? Read on to see how you can have a happy marriage after kids!

2 weeks after I gave birth, my marriage went through a colossal change. Between the sleepless nights and fatigue, there was a lot more aimless shouting, disagreements, and stress.

Marriage after baby is like pie crust dough– delicate, fragile, stretched thin, and honestly, a little sticky. There are so many problems that can arise in your marriage after baby but your marriage life doesn’t have to be over.

Marriage after baby doesn’t have to be loveless and miserable. One of the best things you can do is to know the most common issues that can arise after kids and how to avoid them.

You can prevent arguments and disagreements by simply being aware of the most common marriage after baby issues and how to solve each one of them.

Let’s talk about the 5 common marriage after baby issues and the solutions for these everyday issues!

5 Marriage After Baby Issues and Solutions

Your baby is first and you are not

When you get married it’s all about you and your husband. Then your baby comes and all of a sudden everything is about the baby!

One of the first marriage after baby issues you experience is the change in family focus. Your spouse may be used to being the focus of your house and then when your baby is born the baby is now the center of attention and the center of needs.

I know it sounds crazy, but some spouses begin to feel jealous of the change in focus. You begin to miss spending time with your spouse and having alone time with them.

Solution:

Come to an understanding that this is only a season and will not last forever.

It’s very easy to focus so much on your baby for so long that you realize it’s been almost 6 months since your baby has been born and you still have not paid attention to your spouse. This is when marriage after baby issues start to rise and tension increases in your home. It’s so important to remember to acknowledge your spouse. Even if you can’t give them your full attention ALL the time, you still want to acknowledge your spouse and listen to them.

You forget about your “wife and husband” title

Another marriage after baby issue is that you are not only just “husband and wife” but you are now “mom and dad”. When you add the mom and dad title to your family roles, you tend to forget the fact that you were husband and wife first.

You get so wrapped up in parenting and being a mom and dad that you forget about your spouse and your role as a spouse. It’s totally common and super normal- but shouldn’t become a habit in your life.

When you forget about your title as husband and wife, you tend to forget your spouse, forget their needs, and forget to communicate with them.

Solution:

Make a conscious effort to communicate and do one thing a week that you normally did before your baby was born.

Doing something together that you used to do before your baby was born will bring that “husband and wife” fire back to your relationship. It’s acknowledging that your relationship has changed but that you are still working for your marriage.

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Hello Arguments

Even if you are the perfect couple and never argued, when you have a baby there tends to be this intense pressure that gets put on your marriage. And the pressure often leads to arguments and disputes. Now there is another human being to care for and it leaves room for disagreements- especially in parenting styles.

Because you and your spouse are 2 different people, there are now 2 different ways each of your take care of the baby. There are 2 different ways you change your baby, bathe your baby, feed your baby, put your baby down for a nap, and how you deal with your baby when he/she cries.

You also are sleep deprived, exhausted, overwhelmed and getting used to your new life as a parent. These factors cause so much strain on your marriage because you often lose your patience quicker and it can lead to super drama.

Solution:

Always be sensitive to each other’s emotions and hear each other out

It’s impossible to avoid every single argument. Disagreements are inevitable. But what you can do is prevent disagreements from escalating into a full-blown argument by being quick to listen and slow to get angry. A lot of marital issues can be solved by being open to listening to your spouse instead of just bashing them.

Bye Bye Quality time

Before your baby was born you had all the time in the world to spend time with each other. Now that your baby is here, you don’t have all that quality time anymore. And for some marriages, this can really be damaging.

Quality time is so important in any marriage because it gives you and your spouse time to be with each other without distractions. It gives you time to talk, to hang out, and to just spend time together.

Solution:

Plan at least once a week to spend at least 15 minutes together.

Watch your favorite episode of a show or have some coffee and a dessert together. When you put the baby down for a nap just relax on the couch or talk about something on your mind.

you might like these posts too…

>> 7 Rules For a Strong Marriage After Kids: Stay Madly in Love!

>> 5 Ways to Fight Fair In Marriage: Ditching the Winning & Losing” Mentality

>> 11 Tips for a Happy Marriage After Kids

Mood Ring Central

Truth is, the mood in the house constantly changes: always tired and grouchy

Where you were once living a blissful life and your home was filled with love and newlywed emotions, now your home is filled with late night feedings, sleepless nights, exhaustion, and constant adaption.

Having a baby is so wonderful and being parents is an amazing thing- but let’s face it, your house isn’t always going to be quiet and neat.

One thing that I found to be true in my marriage after baby, was that the mood in my house changed. It’s not a horrible, terrible thing- but it’s a real thing.

Solution:

When you feel like you are stretched thin and the mood in the house is really tense, take a breath and just hug.

It may sound silly but sometimes all we need is a good, deep, heartfelt hug. A hug has the power to heal so much!

Free Date Night In Idea Kit!

No time for romance?
Can’t find a baby sitter?
Don’t want to spend money on a fancy date?

No worries! Keep your marriage hot and spicy with the FREE date night in kit! Receive 5 budget-friendly, romantic, and fun date night in ideas.

To take the stress out of date night in’s, each date night idea comes with a printable including recipes and a supply list! Start spending quality time with your sweetie.

Get it for free now!

>> Well there you have it! Here are the 5 most common marriage issues after baby and how to solve them!

Remember, finding out the most common marriage problems after you have kids and how to solve each one of them will help you prevent arguments and disagreements with your spouse.

The best thing to do for your marriage is to take that fragile pie crust dough and make it into an amazing, lip-smacking pie 🙂

Talk soon!

FREE marriage challenge!

Reduce and prevent marriage after baby issues with the free 5 Day Marriage Revival Challenge!

I created this Marriage Challenge not to give you all of the “answers” but to give you the tools you need to enhance and improve your marriage after baby. Someone can tell you how to better your marriage a million times but unless you actually DO it, is up to you.

I created this challenge to help you and your spouse get on the same page and work together to better your marriage, whether that means enhancing your relationship that already is amazing, or changing your mediocre relationship to something that is amazing.

Here are some of the things that your relationship will get out of the Marriage Revival Challenge:

Put focus back on your marriage after being a parent
Relight the fire of affection
Improve your everyday communication
Redefine what closeness is
Develop and work toward attainable goals together
Start the rebirth of your marriage after the birth of your child
Give your marriage a jolt of electricity and something to look forward to each day of the week
Put much-needed focus back on your marriage
So much more!

Wait! Do you love free printables??

Become part of the Mastering Mom Life Insider tribe and get instant, FREE, private access to my resource library filled with printables + worksheets to make mom life easier!

Tips For a Happy Marriage After Baby

Marriage Life

There’s nothing better than being a wife. I remember when I first got married how happy I was to be someone’s wife and officially be a “Mrs.”. Then I had my daughter and I am a million times prouder to be a mother. Just the smile on my baby’s face is enough to make me want to get out of bed every morning. But sometimes it’s easy to let your role as “mom” bury your wife role.

But the great thing is, you don’t have to settle for being a wife OR a mom. You can actually be a great wife AND an amazing mom without letting one or the other role suffer! Your marriage after baby can be just as healthy and thriving as it was before your little one came around!

The secret to having a healthy, thriving, lasting, amazing marriage is to create habits in your life that allow you to be able to give your all to both of your roles as mom and wife. It’s important to understand that you are a wife/mother- one in the same- and to know that your ability to be a great wife will give you the ability to be a great mom. You have to think of your mom life as an extension of your wife life.

Don’t know exactly how to do this?? That’s okay!

Because I’m going to give you all of the tips you need to be able to have a happy, healthy marriage and still be an amazing mom and have the best relationship with your children. Your marriage after baby is fragile and needs just as much support as anything else in your life!

Tips for a Healthy, Thriving Marriage after Baby

Show each other respect

One of the number one things you have to do to have a happy marriage after baby is to show each other respect. Mutual respect is a key ingredient to a blissful marriage. You need to respect your spouse enough to trust that they know what they are doing and listen to what they have to say.

Parenting is all about making decisions and doing what is best for your child. In order to be on the same page as parents, you want to make sure your marriage is on the same page. And a really good way to do that is to be really open about how much you respect each other.

Know your limits and boundaries

A lot of the time we get so caught up in being a parent and the demanding responsibilities that come along with being a parent that we can push ourselves way past our emotional and physical limits. And when we’re tired, overwhelmed, and exhausted it rolls over into our marriage.

It’s so important to know your limit and try to stay within that limit. If you feel yourself really pushing that limit, then take a step back and focus on your self-care. It’s also the same in your marriage. You have to be able to talk with your spouse about your limits and how you’re feeling on a daily basis.

For example, if your husband really likes for you to give him undivided attention when he is talking to you or telling you a story about his day but you are so exhausted from your day that you’re just laying down blanking out, then he’s going to get upset because he’s expecting you to listen to him.

But because you’re pushed to your exhaustion limit, it affected the time that you and your husband have together. But if you know your limits, you can turn to your husband and say “you know what, I’m feeling tired and would love to hear your story when I can give you my full attention”. This will tell your husband that you’re tired but that you still want to listen to him when you’re feeling up to it.

Express your expectations from each other

In line with the last tip, a healthy marriage after baby is all about knowing each other’s expectations.

In the example above, your husband expected you to listen to his story because that’s what he expressed to you that he would like you to do. Now, if your husband never expressed to you that he would like your full attention when he’s telling you about his day to sharing something with you then when you’re not paying attention to him he gets angry and you have no idea why. SO many arguments can be avoided just by having a simple conversation of expectations.

If you want to read more about how to effectively share your expectations with each other, check out my post “The Number One Conversation to Have After Having a Baby”.

Allot time to spend together

Another really important tip to having a happy marriage after baby is to plan time to spend together. The business of parenthood is so crazy that it can be hard to actually spend time with your spouse. By the time that your baby is fed, cleaned, changed, and sleeping you’re just as exhausted as they are!

But the remedy to this little problem is to physically plan time to be together. You want to be as intentional as possible about spending time with each other. Whether that means you plan a consistent date day or every night before you go to bed for 15 minutes you unplug from your phone or work or cleaning and just sit and talk or do something together.

The thing about separation is that it happens slowly and often goes unnoticed. If you don’t make intentional choices to spend time with each other then a year from now you’re gonna look over at your spouse and feel like you don’t even know him.

Keep each other in the loop

This tip is super practical- it’s simply to keep your spouse in the loop of what’s going on. Make sure your spouse knows what your day looks like and your plans. There’s nothing worse than your husband calling you at the house and him thinking that he can get in contact with you and you’re actually in the car driving to a doctor’s appointment that he had no idea existed. Or if you go to call your spouse’s office and you find out he is at a super important 3-hour long meeting and you were thinking that he was gonna be home for dinner.

It sounds crazy but it’s reality! It’s so easy to forget to fill each other in on the details of the week. That’s why I’m a strong believer in a weekly family planner/calendar! It has all of your plans and appointments all in one place.

I have a ton of FREE planners in my resource library! There are weekly calendars, monthly calendars, meal planning calendars and so much more! Feel free to download all of them! To access my resource library, sign up to become a Mastering Mom Life Insider for free below!

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Words of affirmation go a long way

Another super simple tip to have a happy, healthy marriage after baby is to use your words to affirm each other. Saying “thank you” and “I appreciate you” is so powerful. Get in the habit of thanking each other and really showing each other appreciation. When you feel appreciated you are able to accomplish your role as a parent so much better!

Argue healthily

The fact of the matter is- all couples argue. The question is, do you argue healthily? A lot of people think that couples in healthy marriages don’t argue. That’s simply not true. The key to a healthy marriage is to argue in a healthy way. Everyone has disagreements, but it’s how you choose to handle that disagreement that matters.

Your arguments should be with a purpose and have an end goal. Either a decision that has to be made or something that someone has to apologize for. The key to arguing in a healthy way is to make sure that you are not arguing to hurt your spouse or using words that sting, but communicating in a way that your spouse will understand. Sometimes words can get loud and opinions can hurt your spouse’s feelings. Especially when you say something that triggers them.

But it’s so important to talk in LOVE. Argue in LOVE. It sounds like an oxymoron but when love is the center and the root of your conversation then you’ll start to see that those arguments don’t blow up as much as they could.

Check out my awesome post on the 5 rules to learn how to fight fair in marriage! Read it here!

Be quick to forgive

When we mess up, which we often do, the one thing we want is to be forgiven easily. Just as much as want to be forgiven is as much as we should be quick to forgive. I know it’s hard to let things go that hurt you, but when you know that your spouse’s intentions are towards you are good and that you love each other, you need to let that fuel you and not the hurt or pain that you feel.

Being quick to forgive and slow to anger is a secret ingredient for a happy marriage after baby!

Trust each other

Along with respecting each other, trusting each other is another super important tip for having a happy marriage after baby. Trusting that your spouse knows what to do, or how to handle a situation, or how to take care of your baby is something that you need to have. Some mothers don’t trust that their husband knows how to feed or care for their baby. If that’s the case, then teach him!

Trust can take a while to be built but it’s important to do just that- build it!

Be open and honest

The last and most important tip, in my opinion, is to be open and honest 100% of the time. You want to be able to tell our spouse when you’re tired, when you reached your limit, what you expect of them, when you’re in pain, when they hurt your feelings, and when you feel like they need to change. And when your spouse is open and honest with you, you need to listen and respond in a way that shows that you hear them and you care.

Don’t underestimate the power of honesty! It may be hard, but it’s SO worth it!

Take a marriage challenge!

One of the best things you can do to have a healthy, happy, blissful marriage after baby is to take a Marriage Challenge! A marriage challenge can put some much-needed focus on your relationship after becoming a parent and it allows you to do something together that you would normally be too busy to do!

I created a FREE 5 day Marriage Revival Challenge to help husbands and wives reconnect after having a baby! I created this challenge after I had my daughter so my husband and I could focus on our marriage. It’s easy to let your “mom and dad” roles bury your “husband and wife” role and my marriage was suffering because of it.

Don’t let your marriage suffer after having a baby. Having a strong marriage will help you be better parents and create a strong family!

Take the FREE Marriage Revival Challenge Now to Have a Healthy, Happy Marriage after kids!

Well, there you have it! Here are 11 realistic and practical everyday tips to help you have an amazing marriage after baby. These tips will help you have a healthy, thriving, lasting, amazing marriage by creating habits in your life that allow you to be able to give your all to both of your roles as mom and wife.

There are a million and one things that can tear a marriage apart, but don’t let the fact that you now have a baby be one of them. Use your marriage as a tool to build a strong family filled with love, trust, and respect. Take time to work and focus on your marriage and don’t neglect your role as a spouse just because you are a parent now!

It’s not easy, but man is it worth it!

Don’t forget to take the Marriage Revival Challenge to help you build a strong marriage after baby!